


Don't Let Go

by twisting_vine_x



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 31 Days Of Halloween, Angst, Cuddling, Developing Relationship, Eren is seventeen, Feelings, Holding Hands, Levi!POV, M/M, canon-verse, general cuteness, manga-verse, specific spoiler warnings shall be posted at the beginning of each chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisting_vine_x/pseuds/twisting_vine_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the <a href="http://twisting-vine-x.tumblr.com/post/98876351616/alright-whew-boy-i-am-actually-going-to-do">31 Days Of Halloween challenge</a> (ended up combining three prompts [Crow, Black Cat, and Curse]). Three-part, manga-verse, developing relationship, and set during the Chapter 51 - Chapter 55 era. :)</p><p>Summary: </p><p>
  <i>That night, he wakes up – he’s not even sure when he managed to fall asleep – with Eren’s mouth a phantom press against his own, and his hands tangled into the sheets instead of Eren’s hair.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Lies there and pants, his heart slamming in his chest, and then wipes an arm across his eyes, and rolls out of bed. His knees aren’t quite steady and his face is flushed; and he slides on his slippers and wraps his housecoat tight around himself, and then crosses the room to splash some water on his face.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Ends up leaning over the basin with his hands holding tight to the table, doing his best to not look in the mirror, because he really doesn’t like what he sees there.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>This is horrible.</i>
</p><p>- - - </p><p>(Now with a gorgeous <a href="https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10862311/1/Don-t-Let-Go">French translation</a> by alonia. Thank you again. ♥)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crow

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely set during Volume 13. Spoiler warning for their location, but nothing else.

Levi fucking hates crows.

Hates them.

Animals in general? Yeah, he's pretty much universally fond of those. Animals aren't people. They don't talk, and they're never cruel for the hell of it, and - even if they're stupid - it's normally harmless stupid.

Crows, though. Crows are loud and obnoxious and far too cunning and they _never_ shut up; and they swarm the fucking battlefield like they’re getting paid to be there. The loss of life is already horrid enough, without some winged hellspawn making things worse.

So yeah. Crows. He’s not a fan.

Eren, of course –

Eren’s sitting outside on the well, tossing little bits of his bread to the crow skittering around his feet. Fluttering in close, and then jumping back again. Snatching each piece of bread almost before it hits the ground – and Eren’s smiling, a bit. Levi hasn’t seen enough of that, lately, and –

And the fact that he gives a fuck about Eren’s _smile_ is a sign that Levi need to back the hell off.

He just – he doesn’t know _how_ to put space between them.

Not when Eren still looks at him like Levi hung the moon. Not when Eren knows him, now – knows that he’s a snarky old jackass with a cleaning issue and an oh-so-witty repertoire of shit jokes; knows him as more than a flawless captain, now, and _still_ looks at him like Levi’s the best thing he’s ever seen – and Levi shouldn’t be encouraging that. Should be getting meaner, maybe.

He can’t, though. Not when Eren’s eyes light up whenever Levi invites him to dinner in his room. Not when Eren’s actually relaxed a bit around him, smiling at him, and responding to his poor jokes instead of looking like a startled deer the entire time. Not when just being around the kid – this bright-eyed, angry, desperate, brave-as-fuck kid who Levi cares _way_ too much about – is enough to quiet his head. Enough to make him not notice the dirt clinging to the cottage walls, and –

It’s horrible. It’s dangerous. It’s an entire world of wrong.

Really, Levi should be quietly and calmly running in the other direction.

But – he’s not.

And he really doesn’t fucking want to.

Wants, instead, to go down into that courtyard and watch that horribly cute kid play with that shitty little horrid bird. Settles for resting his arms on the window ledge – just cleaned – and watching. Only realizes there’s really not all that much distance between them – realizes that he’s probably not being subtle at _all_ – when Eren throws the rest of his bread to the crow and slides off the well, turning towards the cottage as he brushes some of the grunge off his pants and looks up –

Levi goes still. Eren’s looking right at him.

For a moment, all that happens is that Eren’s jaw drops.

Then, slowly, hesitantly, Eren raises a hand. Waves up at him, looking horribly awkward, and a bit like he kind of wants to sink into the ground, and – _fuck_. Levi’s got his hand in the air. When did he even – watches as Eren stares at him for a moment longer, before his face splits into a grin that just looks so genuinely absolutely  _happy_ ; and it's so _cute,_ so  _horribly_ cute, why is this even _happening_ to him –

Levi ducks back inside, and puts a hand over his face. 

Fuck.

 _Fuck_.

He just hung out of the window and watched Eren play with a damn  _bird,_ and his heart's slamming hard enough to damn near crack through his ribs.

He’s in  _so_  much trouble.


	2. Black Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: _“Forget it, kid. We can’t keep a cat.”_
> 
> _“But –”_
> 
> _There’s a light little mewing sound, as the cat – she’s black with a streak of white down her side, and little white-tipped ears – cranes her head up to rub her nose against Eren’s chin. Levi’s pretty sure he can actually see the kid’s heart melt. Watches as Eren closes his eyes, and then opens them again, and rubs a hand across them. Levi hates himself. Why is he_ always, _always the bad guy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warnings: their location, the general overall premise, Levi's history, and one other character mentioned by name.

This time it’s a cat.

A fucking _cat_.

Levi _likes_ cats.

Watching Eren play with a crow had been bad enough. How is he supposed to survive watching Eren snuggle a _cat_?

“I think she likes me.”

_Of course she does. Who fucking doesn’t?_

Levi kind of wants to strangle himself.

They’re out in the backyard, not far from the cottage. Eren had wandered out after breakfast, and Levi had followed him. Hadn’t even bothered to lie to himself about why. While it’s true that someone needs to keep an eye on the kid, he knows damn well that it’s more than that; and the way Eren’s face had lit up upon seeing him would have been bad enough on its own. Finding Eren with a cat sitting in his lap is just a brand new level of unfair. It’s just so nauseatingly _cute_.

“She can’t have been a stray for long. Not with how friendly she is.”

Eren looks up from where he’s got his fingers scratching behind her ears. The cat’s a fucking mess – her ribs are visible, and her fur is filthy, and she’s got a cut on her back – and Eren probably doesn’t even realize how pleading his expression is. Levi breathes through the way his heart sinks. He hates being the bad guy, but – what they have here, at this cottage – it won’t last forever. The kind thing to do – for the cat’s own sake – would be to find her a permanent owner.

“Forget it, kid. We can’t keep a cat.”

“But –”

There’s a light little mewing sound, as the cat – she’s black with a streak of white down her side, and little white-tipped ears – cranes her head up to rub her nose against Eren’s chin. Levi’s pretty sure he can actually see the kid’s heart melt. Watches as Eren closes his eyes, and then opens them again, and rubs a hand across them. Levi hates himself. Why is he always, _always_ the bad guy.

“Captain. If I take care of her –”

“It’s not _that_ , alright? It’s – look it’s not a matter of whether you’ll –”

“I could – whenever we leave here, I could find her a new home then, if –”

“And if we get attacked, or have to leave in the middle of the night?”

“I’ll put her in my backpack.”

 _“Eren_ –”

“Please, Captain?”

And that’s – that’s new. Eren has _never_ questioned him. Not over anything. Ever.

Of course the first time he does, it would have to go and be about a damn _cat_.

Levi only realizes he’s knelt down beside the kid when Eren’s eyes widen. On his lap, the cat makes another soft little sound and steps over on to Levi’s knees, two little paws resting against him, and – Levi swallows, and puts a hand on her head. Tries to ignore the way she mews and pushes up against him. Eren’s looking a bit more hopeful, which – that wasn’t what Levi wanted.

 _Fuck_. 

“Hey, I-I think she likes you, too.”

He sounds so hopeful, and so hesitantly happy. Looks like _such_ a teenager, suddenly; and Levi damn near feels his teeth grind, because – they _are_ teenagers, the whole lot of them. They’re kids who have had to grow up too fast; and Levi, just as well as any of them, knows what that’s like. And – alright, at one point, he had had a dog in the Underground. Had fallen asleep with her wrapped around him, for as long as they’d been together. But that’s not quite the same thing as this.

“Look, the right thing to do would be to find her a permanent home. Someone who –”

“How? We can’t even leave here.”

“We can if we’re careful. And –”

With another little noise, the cat bumps his chin with her nose, and then turns and crawls back into Eren’s lap. Curls up on his knees and closes her eyes; and Eren makes a noise that’s cuter than it has any right to be, and goes back to scratching her behind her ears, smiling in a way that’s making Levi’s stomach swoop all over the place. He’s too damn old to be getting butterflies.

“Captain, I may be completely wrong, here, but I doubt it’s worth risking our cover over a cat.”

“You’re a little shit, you know that?”

“I may have heard it a time or two.”

And – this is _exactly_ why Levi needs to be putting space between them. Because Eren is pushing. Becoming too familiar with him. Meeting Levi’s snark with his own muted little version. Smiling at him, now, in a way that looks a bit amused, maybe, and all kinds of hopeful; and Levi should be steering them back into professional territory. Shouldn’t be encouraging this closeness.

“We keep her _until_ we find her a real home. Got it?”

For a horrible second, he thinks that Eren might hug him. Seems to rock in place, before grinning like the damn sun coming up, and scooping the cat – who doesn’t protest – up against his chest.

Maybe she’s been alone for so long that any kind of human contact is welcome.

“ _Thank_ you, Captain, thank you, I’ll –”

“You’re in charge of the damn litter training. If I find _one single piece_ of shit lying around –”

“You won’t, I promise –”

“I’d damn well better. And she’s this is _only_ until –”

“Yes, I know, until we find – thank _you_ , Captain, thank – may, may I – Armin _loves_ cats, he –”

“Yeah, yeah. Go find your friends.”

He waves his hand, even as his stomach flips. He hasn’t seen Eren this happy in – well. Maybe ever. Who would have known that a cat would be enough to make him forget his woes for a bit.

Maybe she can do the same thing for everyone else in that cottage, too.

“Thank you, Captain!”

He looks like he almost wants to salute, even with the cat in his arms, and even with that horribly blinding grin – and then he rockets to his feet, and Levi ignores his aching knees as he stands up, too. Takes a deep breath, and stares at Eren as he walks away, but – he only takes a few steps before he stops. Stands there, for a moment, and then turns around and walks back to Levi, until he’s standing right in front of him, looking suddenly embarrassed, his eyes on the ground and the cat curled up in his arms, and – he’s so fucking _cute_ thatLevi can actually feel his teeth grind together.

“Well?”

“Um, d-did you, uh, want to – to name her?”

 _Shit_. 

He sound so _earnest_ , and Levi’s heart is hurting, and – the cat meows, and tugs on Eren’s shirt with her teeth, before nuzzling her face in under his chin – and Eren looks up; and Levi’s not looking at the cat any more. He’s not sure when Eren got so close, but they’re staring at each other, now; and Levi’s throat is tight. He’s going to give himself away. What has this kid _done_ to him.

“Captain-n?”

 _Fuck_.

“Lily.”

And – he’d been younger than Eren, even, when he’d had Lily. Twelve, maybe. A child in a house full of monsters.

No wonder he’d clung to that cat. No wonder he’d found a dog as soon as he ran away.

“Lily. I like it.”

Eren’s voice is soft, and he’s snuggling with her, again, and she’s purring, and rubbing her face against him; and Levi – his mind must break, a bit, because he reaches out to pet her, his fingers close to Eren’s. Does his best to ignore the way Eren goes absolutely still. Levi’s throat has gone tight.

“I – when I was younger, I – had a cat, named Lily.”

Eren doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t seem to be breathing.

Levi drops his hand and steps back.

He needs to stop talking.

“You should get in there, kid. Go introduce your friends to this fuzzy little menace, and –”

“If you ever – Captain, if –”

He stops, and actually bites his lip. Levi’s lungs have stopped working. Watches as Eren takes a breath and pulls the cat in even closer, his eyes fixed somewhere around Levi’s shoulder.

“If you ever want someone to talk to about – anything. I’m – I know I’m just a kid, but I’m always here.”

And –

Levi has no idea what to say. His entire body is aching. Watches as Eren gnaws on his lip some more, and then – he smiles at Levi, short and sweet, and steps back. His cheeks are bright pink.

“Anyway, I-I’m going to go find Lily some food. Thank you, Captain. I’ll take good care of her.”

Five minutes later, when Eren’s gone inside – Levi had been able to hear the happy shouts, even from all the way inside the cottage – Levi is still standing there, with his hands fisted at his sides.

Too close. He’s let Eren get way too close.


	3. Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Cheeky. Eren is being_ cheeky _with him. And Levi shouldn’t so desperately want Eren to grin at him like that for the rest of forever. Raises his eyebrows, and feels his stomach flip when Eren blushes and ducks his head on that grin of his, his hands folded in his lap and his feet kicking against the well again, and – this teenager is the hope for the future, and Levi doesn’t know, yet, how he’s going to keep Eren safe from all the nightmares that the world is still going to throw at him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warning for their location, one other character mentioned by name, and for major events in Chapter 56 (i.e. Levi thinking about potential future events that do in fact end up happening).

It’s two days after Lily becomes a fuzzy little resident of their cottage that Levi finds himself outside with Eren again, with Eren sitting on the side of the well and kicking his feet, a little bit, and Levi leaning against the wall of the house, his arms crossed as Eren smiles at him, and then goes back to watching Lily stretch out on the grass, all cleaned up and sleepy-eyed and purring.

Levi had been planning to put space between them.

This is – yeah, alright, this is pretty much the exact opposite of that.

“Eren?”

“Sir?”

His eyes are still on Lily, though, and he just looks so _happy;_ andLevi had been about to say something about what they need to do next – about the measures they might need to take, if their plans are going to work – but then Eren turns that smile on him, his eyes bright and fond and his cheeks a little flushed; and Levi swallows, and takes a breath, and crosses his arms a bit tighter.

He can’t use this kid as bait. He can’t. Even if he it’s only temporary. Even if it’s only a farce, he _can’t_. 

He’s starting to think he might have to, and it’s enough to make his stomach roll.

This is _exactly_ why he can’t – he needs space. He needs to put space between them. Eren is a soldier. Levi is his captain. If he needs to send Eren and Historia into that wasps’ nest, then that’s what he needs to do. He _can’t_ base his decisions on how desperately he wants to keep this kid safe.

“Captain?”

Hopefully it doesn’t come to that. And if it does, Levi will be there to help, no matter what.

“That little fluffy-face’s pretty fond of you, isn’t she?”

“Fluffy-face?”

And – Eren’s _grinning_ at him. Outright grinning. Levi can, just barely, feel his cheeks heat.

“Shut it, kid.”

“Of course, sir.”

Cheeky. Eren is being _cheeky_ with him. And Levi shouldn’t so desperately want Eren to grin at him like that for the rest of forever. Raises his eyebrows, and feels his stomach flip when Eren blushes and ducks his head on that grin of his, his hands folded in his lap and his feet kicking against the well again, and – this teenager is the hope for the future, and Levi doesn’t know, yet, how he’s going to keep Eren safe from all the nightmares that the world is still going to throw at him.

His stomach hurts.

In the grass, Lily meows up at them, a bit of dirt on her nose; and Eren laughs – just softly – but it’s enough. Levi knows better – knows he shouldn’t – but, for a moment, as the sun shines down on them and the damn cat meows and Eren looks _happy_ , for once – Levi wants to be part of it.

He wants this moment. Needs it, maybe. It’s probably going to just make Eren’s hero worship thing for him worse – if anything, Levi should be going inside – but he just doesn’t fucking care.

“Shove over.”

“Sir-r?”

“You’re hogging the sunshine.”

And it’s true, on some level. Levi’s spot against the house is in the shade, but – it’s a paper-thin excuse, and he’s just going to have to be grateful that Eren won’t see right through it. Watches as Eren gapes at him, looking more than a bit startled; before he visibly swallows, and moves over, leaving Levi room to join him on the side of the well. He’s careful to make sure they don’t touch anywhere, though, leaving a good bit of space between himself and Eren, even as Eren goes still.

“Relax, kid. I’m not prone to biting.”

“Right-t. I-I – it’s just –”

“I can always leave, if my presence is so horribly offensive to –”

“ _No_ , no that’s n-not what I-I –”

“Haven’t quite got me down off that pedestal yet, have you?”

“Sir?”

“Me. Making you nervous, even now. You can cut it out any time, you know.”

At their feet, Lily meows again, and stands up, and jumps until her little paws are up against Levi’s shins. Even through the way his heart is slamming – _why_ is he doing this; why is he doing the _opposite_ of putting space between them – he feels a wave of contentment, and leans down to pick her up. Ends up with Lily sitting in his lap as Eren chews his lip and stares down at the ground, and – Levi had started this shitty conversation, but he’s not quite sure what to say, now.

It’s a damn good thing he has kitty ears to scratch behind. It’s a welcome distraction, at least.

“I – haven’t had you up on a pedestal for a long time, Captain.”

And – that’s not what he’d expected. Realizes that their elbows are touching. Levi should have worn long sleeves. Eren shouldn’t have rolled his up. Since when has Eren stopped idolizing him?

“That so?”

“I just – I still think you’re – well, you’re incredible, and – and, of course, I’d follow you to the ends of the earth, but – you’re human, and you’re not perfect, and I finally get that, if that helps.”

And – it does help.

It helps a _lot_.

Levi never wanted to be idolized. Never wanted to be humanity’s strongest. Never wanted some bright-eyed teenager to look at him like he’s the moon and the stars, without actually seeing him, and – _I’d follow you to the ends of the earth;_ oh, everloving hell. He didn’t sign up for that, either.

“Captain?”

Levi’s not sure what his face is doing. Lets Lily jump off his lap, down onto the grass, and stands up.

“Make sure she has food tonight.”

“I – of course, I –”

“And water. And a clean litter box.”

“Captain –”

Levi doesn’t stay to listen.

Heads back inside, and leaves Eren to sit alone in the sunshine, and – _god_ , he’s an asshole.

He’s an asshole and a he’s a coward, and he’s a thirty-four-year-old military captain who wants to fuck his teenage subordinate; and he’s running away like a _coward_. Running away; and he knows that Eren will just see it as Levi being enigmatic, or unreadable, or moody, or – won’t get that he’s unsettled Levi in a way that nobody else ever has, for as long as Levi’s ever been alive.

_I’d follow you to the ends of the earth._

Levi makes it at as far as just inside the door before he stops and presses his forehead against the cool wall.

Enough. That’s – this is already too much. More than enough.

Levi isn’t going to be a dick about it, because the kid doesn’t deserve that; but he _is_ going to start working at putting some space between them. Ignores the way his chest pulls tight at the thought.

He should have never let Eren get this close.

\- - -

That night, he wakes up – he’s not even sure when he managed to fall asleep – with Eren’s mouth a phantom press against his own, and his hands tangled into the sheets instead of Eren’s hair.

Lies there and pants, his heart slamming in his chest, and then wipes an arm across his eyes, and rolls out of bed. His knees aren’t steady and his face is flushed; and he slides on his slippers and wraps his housecoat tight around himself, and then crosses the room to splash some water on his face.

Ends up leaning over the basin with his hands holding tight to the table.

Does his best to not look in the mirror, because he really doesn’t like what he sees there.

This is horrible.

It’s horrible and all manners of inappropriate, and he feels a bit sick, even. Eren is half his age, and Levi’s his captain, and – and Eren would follow him to the end of the world, apparently.

Taking a breath, Levi straightens – wipes a cloth across his face, and doesn’t look in the mirror – and then wraps his housecoat tighter around himself. He can’t lie here and stare at the ceiling all night. Some nights, he can. He’s had to learn how to, since it seems to be his curse to never sleep through the night, but – not tonight. Tonight, he’s aching straight through, and he needs to get out.

\- - -

Leaving his room is a mistake.

He realizes it the second he walks into the kitchen and finds Eren sitting on the floor with his hand in his hands.

For a moment, everything seems to go still.

Then, Levi takes a breath and steps into the room.

Eren’s hunched over by the wall, legs crossed in front of him, and his face in his palms. Doesn’t even seem to hear him, which – that’s disconcerting, and they’re going to have to talk about it later, but for now – his chest has gone all tight and achy, and he crouches down in front of Eren.

Levi’s not stupid. Eren’s been through more trauma than anyone should ever experience. And Levi gets it. He’s had more than one night, over his life, that’s found him curled up into a ball.

“Eren.”

He barely whispers it, but Eren jumps so badly it’s a wonder he doesn’t knock himself out. Jerks his head up – his eyes are wide and wet, and he has tears down his face – and stares at Levi, before trying to scramble up to his feet, though he’s so shaky it’s a wonder he manages to move at all, and – Levi feels sick, and his hands are on Eren’s knees, stopping him from moving; and Eren stares at him, wide-eyed, before he goes limp and slides back down, a new wave of tears spilling down his cheeks. Drops his head and stares at the floor; and Levi only realizes he’s brushed the hair away from his face when Eren sucks in a breath and goes still; and Levi can’t breathe.

“… Captain?”

It’s barely audible. Eren’s eyes are the size of saucers, and Levi’s fingers are still on his cheek.

Carefully, slowly, Levi takes his hand away, though he doesn’t move out of his crouch.

“Shitty n-night, kid?”

 _Fuck._  

He doesn’t even sound like himself.

Eren’s put a hand on his cheek, where Levi’s had just been, and – maybe Levi’s been an idiot. Maybe this hasn’t just been hero worship and a tinge of fear. Maybe Levi’s been blind about this.

“You…”

Eren’s mouth is hanging a bit open. It should look ridiculous.

It doesn’t.

Why the fuck isn’t Levi _saying_ something.

“Captain…”

The moonlight is bright enough through the window that Levi can see every flicker of expression, there. Can see the way Eren looks freaked out, and then frustrated, and, god, this kid’s been like this from the start, wearing every emotion out in the open, and Levi needs to _walk away_ , but – Eren’s hand is wrapped around his fingers, tight and shaking; and Levi’s chest hurts.

He needs to say no.

Needs to tell him that they can’t.

He’s gone a bit weak-kneed and his heart is slamming and _how had he missed this_.

Maybe it’s always been there, and he hadn’t wanted to see it.

“Levi…”

Levi doesn’t say no. Can’t, with his throat all closed up. Twitches, a bit, as Eren moves in closer, and – Eren hesitates, and then takes a deep breath and presses his lips together, and – carefully, slowly, tucks himself in close, his cheek barely pressing against Levi’s shoulder, and – shudders and just fucking goes limp as Levi wraps his arms around him and drops down onto his knees, too, pulling Eren in as tight as he can as Eren clings on tight to him and buries his face into his neck.

Levi can’t speak.

Can barely breathe.

Eren, for his part, is shaking, ever so slightly, in Levi’s arms; and Levi wonders, for a moment, just how long Eren’s wanted this. Closes his eyes and swallows and sticks his face in Eren’s hair.

They shouldn’t be doing this. There are so many reasons why they shouldn’t be doing this.

But – with Eren curled up against him, he just can’t seem to care. They’ll figure it out.

For now, he wants to just sit here on this shitty floor and hold on to Eren until the sun comes up.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone fancies being [tumblr](http://twisting-vine-x.tumblr.com/) buddies, I'm always happy to make new friends. ♥
> 
> (Note: my blog will have major spoilers for the manga; so if you'd like to be friends and avoid those, the tag to blacklist is, 'aot manga spoilers'.)


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